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May 13, 2003

 

Thank you for reading my journal. Throughout the past few years, I’ve honestly attempted to use this journal as one therapy  method toward  reclaiming  parts of my soul I thought were lost several years ago. I came quickly to the conclusion, however, once my thoughts hit paper…  that those ‘parts’ weren’t to be reclaimed by  analyzing painful events over and over again, but by gradually  moving on with the present and toward  the future.  Allowing my mind to dwell on my past was nothing more than an attempt at making a ‘tense’ into a ‘location’. To put it simply, memories are only as concrete as I’ve decided to make them…And I refuse to buy more cement, sand, or add any  more water than what I already have to turn ‘time’ into a bunker.

 

I know that there are people who have read my words and wondered if I even had a point.  What exactly was she documenting, they wondered? Was she detailing the day she lived within, as noted by the journal’s date, or was she outlining the past event that commanded that day?…the unseen daemon within her mind…The answer is both.   And no, I’m not ‘stuck on’ myself. Nor am I a ‘verbal exhibitionist’. Trust me, there were many ideas I left unsaid and obviously entries left off the Net.  Nor do I think I am particularly ‘special’ or a ‘tool’. I love labels, really I do. Thanks for mailing them to me. I was amused by ‘socialist, misguided Indigo child’. I may have to keep that one. J

 

So this is the last online entry I will post.   And the only one left standing, so to speak.  

 

There were two people whom I spoke with,  either directly concerning this journal and my ‘spiritual’ work or indirectly about my past over a two year period.  I have this to say to the both of you:  I saw the connection a long, long time ago. If I had wanted to use this medium as a venting ground, I would have done so. I believe you now---- have what you want, and I do hope you enjoyed the change of scene in April.   I’m neither naughty nor nice, in reality.. But then again, neither are you….I’m moving on, as per your suggestion. Although you may not believe me, my intent was never to harm you.…Good luck in your ventures…I have no interest in disrupting them. I indeed do ‘need to get a life’.

 

P.S   Do you really think Nia Long would live in a small, but ‘top-notch’ home?

         Perhaps there is hope for all of us. J